Day 8: Facing Disillusionment

Inspirational Thought of the Day:

Confusion comes in when our definition of good does not fit God’s.

Scripture of the Day:

Proverbs 13:22

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

1 Peter 4:12 (NIV)

“Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. 13 But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

Psalm 73 (all)

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Like the desert, there is beauty in the forest, but if we focus on each individual tree, we might miss the big picture. Sometimes, we can’t see the forest for the trees.We started on this path simply enough, but somehow in the maze of life we ended up lost in the woods, not sure we will ever find our way out.

Disillusionment is tied not just to failed expectations we have for life, but to our inability to control those outcomes. Disillusionment chokes out hope as we suffocate on what could or should have been. When we are unable to process or accept our circumstances and wonder where God is in it all, hope still remains – cloaked in a different garb.

If we walk with God, we have His strength to cling to in challenging seasons of life, but disillusionment can damage that faith and create space for idolatry if we are not careful – as we try to cling to what we wanted instead. Trying to hold onto our dreams as if we are owed them is ultimately a lack of trust in God.

Trusting the LORD when times are good comes easily, but it is in the rocky ravines that we need to understand His purposes are far wider and greater than a temporary stay in a craggy landscape.

When we want to hope, to believe that God is still good but we are surrounded by death and uncertainty, how do we survive the land of disillusionment without getting a jaded heart? By discovering a new hope.

When faced with his grim reality and the flourishing of the wicked, David said his “feet had almost slipped”. He described his affliction as “All day long I have been afflicted, and every morning brings new punishments”. This kind of hardship was way beyond hope deferred and not getting his own way. Way out of the league of the troubles that Peter spoke of, too, which are common to man. This was deep suffering. David refrained from speaking the raw truth of his anguish and doubt out loud – he struggled to believe he could even have the thoughts he was having – but he did.

It troubled him deeply that the wicked thrived while he sought to obey God. It did not seem fair. God’s character and His will were on the table to be evaluated . . . UNTIL. Until he came into God’s sanctuary – into His presence – and understood the end and their end.

It was there that He saw God’s goodness even while life hurt. He felt God’s presence and knew instinctively that God was with him in the fiery trials and that He held him in His right hand.

As we begin to face all the potential sinful outcomes that traumatic events can wrought into our lives, we begin the process of healing. Are we bitter or angry with God? Let’s be honest – our faith is hurt and we often attempt to hide our hurt from God when He allows suffering to collide with our paths. Understanding the role that God’s sovereignty plays in our disillusionment helps us to face it instead of avoiding it or becoming numb to our pain.

God’s sovereignty is not something we can fully comprehend. How is it that He knows everything before it happens – and yet still allows something in that we disapprove of?

Looking at the foundation of the plans for our life can help us to better understand our path. At the inception of our hopes and dreams, where was God? Was He inspiring our hearts to do His will, or were we inviting him to our dream and asking for His favor and blessing?

An encounter with God puts everything into perspective. While I mourned my broken life and the testimony I never wanted, God revealed His hope for me. He created us for His glory, yet somehow while I wept for my children and myself, I forgot it was all about His glory, not mine. Like David, I looked at other people prospering and wondered why I was so messed up. I did not plan my life this way. Oh. Yeah. I guess that statement is revealing, too, huh?

I longed to be like the other happy couples who never had to walk the dark cold court hall toward a divorce that was never supposed to happen. How did I get into this forest full of problems? Could God raise me from these ashes? Yes, but even better, He could reveal to me that even the hope of deliverance was not the hope that He wanted me to have.

I had to let go of the grief in one hand to grab hold of God’s hope for the future, but I was afraid. If God would allow this kind of intense suffering, could He be trusted? Yes, but I had to die first. My hope had to die in order to get a new reinvented hope in Jesus.

Dying to my hopes was a long, arduous death. Lots of chocolate (yes, I am bringing up the “c” word again), tears and disbelief. But holding onto that old hope was killing me inside and no amount of therapy, chocolate (notice a pattern here?) or buffalo wings could heal me. Only God could, but I Had. To. Let. Go. Completely.

Not my will, LORD. Not my will. All my hopes and dreams I lay at Your feet. You made me and You know what’s best. Help my unbelief and cause my heart to want Your hope and not my own.

God’s plans don’t make sense to us because our plans often come from a place of being self-oriented and formed in a desire for our comfort. Confusion comes in when our definition of good does not fit God’s. But when we come into His presence seeking to understand, he shows us that His thoughts and ways are much higher. And maybe, just maybe, it is actually His mercy.

When I was disillusioned and doubted whether I could trust Christ for the suffering He permitted in my life, He reminded me that He suffered, too. He understood. I had lost sight of what really matters – His glory. Not my reputation or the social stigma. Not that my pain did not matter to God, but somehow in the mess I was in, God needed to receive glory. It was not about me, after all.

This song, Thy Will Be Done is a song that really ministers at the place of disillusionment.

Lord, You never leave us without hope. Thank You for giving us a new hope in You. 

 

Mundane Monday: While We’re Waiting

Inspirational Thought of the Day:

Sometimes we struggle to trust God because we base our view of God as if He was like us.

Scriptures of the Day:

Genesis 50:20

“As for you, you meant to harm me, but God intended it for a good purpose, so he could preserve the lives of many people, as you can see this day.”

Genesis 52(b)

“Certainly God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.”

Exodus 6:9

“Moses told this to the Israelites, but they did not listen to him because of their discouragement and hard labor.”

Perspective.  Trust.  Faith.  Hope.  We can say that we have these character attributes, but it is not until we are in the fire that we see what we are made of.

Scripture provides beautiful snap shots of God’s faithful leaders as they faced kidnapping, betrayal, imprisonment, abuse, fear and testing to follow and obey God when the task at hand seemed insurmountable.

God told Joseph ahead of time through dreams that one day he would lead his brothers.  He did not know what it meant at the time, but He knew God had spoken.  Joseph knew his brothers intended to harm him.  He was right, but he did not stop there.  Even while in prison, He credited God with any wisdom that He was given and hoped beyond hope that somehow God would make sense of it all.  It would take two years for the cupbearer to remember his promise to not forget Joseph. While it seemed like Joseph was forgotten and rotting in prison, God’s promises and plan still stood.

God told Moses ahead of time that Pharaoh would be stubborn and hardhearted.  He promised that ultimate deliverance was His plan.  Moses fretted and feared, but he kept on putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next obedient thing God called him to do.  He kept reciting the promises of God and kept on keeping on.  Even though Moses told the people of God that God was going to rescue them, their focus was on their suffering. They could not have hope, for the abuse and hardship extinguished their faith.

God told Daniel what He was going to do ahead of time, too.  Daniel’s example of faith even when it went against the law of the land resulted in beautiful fruit and God’s ultimate deliverance.

God consistently has given amazing promises and prophecies and fulfilled them all.  That is Who He is. Sometimes we struggle to trust God because we base our view of God as if God was like us.

God is not a man that He should lie, yet when we are waiting for His promises to be fulfilled, we often lose sight of His goodness and promises and begin to give in to fear and despair.

But maybe some would say that God’s promises are not for them.  Not according to God’s word.  All of His promises are yes and amen for those whose hope is in the LORD, to those who have been called children of God.  God is able to help us to overcome our discouragement when we feel forgotten.   Those who went before us modeled how we should wait.  Being obedient.  Meditating on God’s promises.  Hoping at all times.  Radical faith.

Maybe you are in the desert right now, waiting for God to deliver you.  He is able to make a bloom in the desert and to make you fruitful in your suffering.  He said it and He will do it as we seek Him in that place and look to our faithful Deliverer!  As we look to Him, we begin to forget our troubles and recognize that the deliverance we seek is not all about us. God’s purposes touch the lives all around us, and as we seek His comfort, a testimony is written to help the ones who come behind us to look to their God in times of trouble.

Lord, help us to wait expectantly for You, knowing who You are and trusting in You at all times.  You are faithful!  You are good!  Thank You for your strength and grace in the fire and please encourage all who are waiting now to look to You, for their hope will never be disappointed.

Truthful Tuesday: Show and Tell

Inspirational Thought of the Day:

Sharing Christ is not a once and done proposition; living for Christ is to demonstrate and testify to our sphere of influence.

Scriptures:

Matthew 8:4

Then Jesus said to him, “See that you do not speak to anyone, but go, show yourself to a priest, and bring the offering that Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.”

Mark.16:15

“Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel.”

Acts 1:8

“Ye shall be witnesses…unto uttermost part of earth”

A popular saying today is to “share the Gospel; use words if necessary”.  The verse in Matthew would seem to agree with that thought, but taking all verses together, we get a more complete picture of how we are to share the hope we have with others.

Sometimes words are needed, other times it might be a meal, a card, or sharing a testimony.  The Holy Spirit leads us into what each person needs.

Showing Christ’s love is just as important as telling others His truth.  One without the other is not a complete picture.  Good works are filthy rags, yet faith without works is dead.  The balance is found in the motivation for both.

If I am trying to earn favor by good works, the fruit born will bring me glory.  But seeking to serve others what they need glorified God.

It is a privilege to share with others what God has done for us.  In that moment, we are fulfilling what we were made to do.  Our testimony is really Christ in us, portrayed for people to understand and know Him more.

Lord, thank You for each testimony you have given to us.  May we glorify You in every aspect of our lives.

 

Personal Testimony: Weak, Needful Vessel – Here Am I

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Isaiah 6:8

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, “Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” Then I said, “Here am I. Send me!””

The last time I prayed the words above to God, I was laying in a hospital bed with severe Pneumonia.  Puzzled doctors scrambled around, trying multiple different medications while I became more sick.  Kidney failure and worsening symptoms threatened to squash any hope of leaving the hospital in short order.  The illness had come upon me so quickly and the rapidity with which I was worsening astounded the physicians . . . but God.

In that dark place, I cried out to God.  I saw a vision of me praying the prayer that Isaiah had spoken thousands of years before and heard the gentle response, “even here?”  As is often the case, when the LORD speaks to me I am humbled and amazed at His wisdom.  Would I let Him use me in this place, encroached in fear and uncertainty, unable to eat, barely able to walk?

It was all I could do to muster up my strength to get up and write a Scripture on the board.  How was God going to use me when I had no voice?  “Rise, get up and walk.  I will enable you.”  Dizzy and straining for breath, I staggered out of the bed carefully, dragging all the hospital paraphernalia with me.  From my devotion time, I wrote a verse on the board then crawled back to bed.

The response was almost immediate.  Hospital staff started to ask questions and I shared as best as I could my testimony with them.  For the remainder of my stay (9 days), I would get up, write a Scripture on the board and worship Him in that place.

“Now, rise and bless those around you.”  “How, Lord?”  “Give what You have been given.”  As flowers were brought in, the LORD told me to give them away to others who needed encouragement.  So, pitiful as I was, I realized the LORD was trying to get me to walk to clear my lungs, and I walked, slow as a turtle up and down the hospital ward, delivering flowers (with companions by my side, helping me to walk).

Sometimes we do not understand why we must walk through difficult seasons or hardships, but God is always using our blessings and trials for our good, His glory, and others around us.  A nurse in that hospital recommitted her life to Christ. She will never be the same, nor will I.  I could have laid there feeling sorry for myself.  I could have given up.  Instead, the LORD, Who is rich in mercy, showed me another way.  He wanted to use an incapacitating illness to reveal His enablement and grace to a disillusioned child of God.

So now I stand as a living testimony to be used again, praying the same prayer, “Here am I. Send me!””  After my heart was broken into a million pieces and functioning was so difficult when my family was torn apart, I was content to take a back seat and did not know if I would ever write music again . . . but God.

As I prepare to record music again after a long break it is an extremely humbling adventure and my heart’s desire is to serve others and glorify God with every lyric, every note, every instrument, every track.  I long to somehow give hope to those who are in a seemingly hopeless situation, to see that God is and always has been enough.

If you are in a tough spot now and your sorrows are overwhelming you, please know that He loves you and is not through with you yet.  He delights and is glorified even in our weakness and able to transform us and those around us through what we deem to be ugly and worthless.  While we tend to try to muddle through suffering, yielding to Him and accepting all He sends our way is worshiping Him in the fire and it is beautiful.  Funny thing is, once the focus is off of us, we become freer and stronger than before.

Lord, thank You for never giving up on us and for using us to bring glory to Your Holy Name.  We stand in awe of You!

The Instigator’s Demise

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1 Samuel 23:19

“Then the Ziphites went up to Saul at Gibeah and said, “Isn’t David hiding among us in the strongholds at Horesh on the hill of Hakilah, south of Jeshimon?”

1 Samuel 24:1

“When Saul returned from pursuing the Philistines, they told him, “Look, David is in the desert of En Gedi.””

1 Samuel 26:1

“The Ziphites came to Saul at Gibeah and said, “Isn’t David hiding on the hill of Hakilah near Jeshimon?””

1 Samuel 26:19

“So let my lord the king now listen to the words of his servant. If the LORD has incited you against me, may he take delight in an offering. But if men have instigated this, may they be cursed before the LORD! For they have driven me away this day from being united with the LORD’s inheritance, saying, ‘Go on, serve other gods!'”

Sometimes there are people in your life who just want to goad you, but one of the most terrifying things on earth is being pursued relentlessly by someone who seeks to harm you.  Feelings of desperation and helplessness overwhelm you as you wonder if it will ever end.  Driven by jealousy and selfishness and fueled by instigators and false counsel, the pursuer relentlessly seeks his way.

The Philistines’ betrayal made sense.  They were the enemies of Israel – but it is odd that Saul would listen to his enemy. Their motives were surely for their own glory.  You wonder who you can trust as people surround your pursuer with counsel to come after you.  The Ziphites, Judeans like David, betrayed him twice.  Betrayed by his own people.  It does not get much worse than that.

People surrounding Saul knew what Saul wanted.  Despite numerous times when Saul saw his folly, he quickly returned to pursuing David when those around him incited him.  He received counsel from people who ultimately sought his own destruction, as well.  The irony is that Saul reaped the opposite of what he sought and those who informed Saul sought his favor, but ultimately his demise, too.

I was comforted when I read of David’s hiding out in caves for 15 years – not at all by the duration of time, but by the fact that a man of God, chosen to lead, first had to endure severe testing and God was His portion.  Why should it be different with us?

I share personal testimony here because I think somewhere out there someone else might be barely hanging on with a similar suffering and I earnestly desire to serve someone through the pain I endured.  Dragged to court for five years by people who used to be family was one of the most excruciating moments in my life.  False testimony and accusations left scars that only God could heal, but the immense pressure of the pursuit harmed my health and hurt my family deeply.

At the same time, another family member would not accept me and lied about me, spreading rumors about me.  Add to that job loss for my husband and you have an incubator for change.

If I had not had God as my portion, I would have perished.  I sought Him more deeply than I ever had and now see that season as a treasure in my walk with God.  This blog would not have been birthed had I not walked through dark valleys and seen God’s hand in the midst.

David trusted in God and walked righteously.  Despite the attacks, he had a righteous response and saw God deliver him. So it is with us.  When people speak ill of us or are jealous, we have a refuge to run to.  The instigator does not hold sway or power over us – our God is bigger.  We might have to endure false perceptions caused by those who despise us, but it will not last forever and if we keep walking uprightly with God, he will cause our enemies to cease or give us strength to bear it.

Saul apologized several times but David knew he could not be trusted.  There was still the capability for the same sin to rise up in Saul and David had to walk in wisdom and protect himself from Saul’s potential attack.  Sometimes in our own lives we need to protect ourselves from people who have harmed us in the past.  David forgave Saul but he was not going to place himself in possible danger willingly.

More than deliverance, however, and the character earned along the way, is the beautiful surrender of our spirits to God. Our temporary suffering is not about us, after all.  What the instigator and pursuer sought results in blessings when we hide ourselves in Jesus.  If God allowed it in, there is a divine purpose that we might not understand, but God can always be trusted.

Lord, thank You for Your protection and healing.  Help us to trust in You completely even when it seems like we are forgotten.  Your ways are not our ways and You are good all the time.

Christmas Countdown: Why we Celebrate

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Luke 1:1-3

1 “Now many have undertaken to compile an account  of the things that have been fulfilled among us, 2 like the accounts  passed on to us by those who were eyewitnesses and servants of the word from the beginning. 3 So it seemed good to me as well, because I have followed all things carefully from the beginning, to write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, 4 so that you may know for certain the things you were taught.”

Each year Christmas comes and goes faster than I can truly grasp the significance of the day we celebrate.  For months stores are donning their Christmas garb and retailers making money off of the many things tantalizing us with the prescribed necessities to properly celebrate the event.  Yet inwardly I wonder if I am missing it completely.  There are cultural icons we attribute to America’s celebration of Christmas, and some of them are not all that bad, but do they trivialize the most important date in the world, when God came in the flesh and revealed Himself to man?  Our calendars and our homes reflect the importance of this day year after year, but may our hearts never grow numb to the thrill of what His birth meant.

Luke’s account begins with a unique prologue which is different from the other synoptic Gospels.  Luke was the only gentile to pen a book in the new testament, and he is writing to the Gentiles and someone specifically – Theophilus – so that he would believe and know that the birth and life of Christ were true.  I confess that I forget at times what the purpose of Christmas really is – to reveal this Christ – this loving God to as many people who will receive Him.  That is the greatest gift I can truly ever give another soul.  It is this purpose that truly keeps the Christmas spirit alive – never growing weary of the amazing gift of God and sharing it in new ways to those who know God and some who maybe have not come to know Him yet.

So what about all of the traditions of Christmas?  I can get distracted by one tradition of Christmas in particular – the giving of gifts.  This tradition is of course embraced by me, since my love language is gift giving.  (Insert smile).  It is even considered a godly thing to do and more special when it is given thoughtfully and sacrificially.  Giving in such a manner reminds us of what Christ did when He lavishly gave His own life, leaving His comforts in Heaven and dwelling among men, instead.  It can also hinder my celebrating Christmas, though, if I become so stressed and hurried with all of the preparations.

Some might have a tree in their home, others like snowmen and stockings.  These have nothing to do with Christ, but they have come to be a part of what Christmas means in our culture.  There is no judgment in these things, but they can also serve to hinder our worship of the King, if that is what we are seeking to celebrate.  Ultimately, one man considers another day more special than another and the celebration of any holiday on this earth that is not mandated from Scripture is something that ought to be done in a way that honors God – thoughtfully.  There are not rules in Scripture governing do’s and dont’s of how to celebrate Christmas, but their are principles that govern each day we live.  Being cognizant of what we believe and why gives meaning to our lives.

Back to Luke.  It is not known for sure who this Theophilus is, but it is intriguing to me that his name literally means “friend or lover of God”. Luke wanted to make sure Theophilus knew the Gospel was trustworthy, and I wonder if it was he who called him a friend of God.  When a soul is saved, that soul cannot help but be compelled to share with others the amazing gift of salvation.  We must do so in the same vain as Luke did – share the story of Jesus and His impact on our lives like a friend would.  Luke knew the details well and was exact in his account, but He was driven by a passion that others might not miss this greatest gift of all.

Each of the four Gospels is a testimony of the events surrounding Christ’s birth, life, death and resurrection – a witness of each of the author’s eyewitness of the life of Christ.  So we each have a testimony of how we, too, met Jesus.  What was it that first opened our eyes?  Do we tell our story passionately so others might know it to be true?  Personal testimony is far more convincing when that person experienced personally what they are telling you; they are not just talking about someone else.  Each testimony is unique to the individual, because each of us has our own relationship with God, and each story of our individual encounters with Christ need to be told.

This Christmas season, may we be ignited with a fresh passion to share Christ and what He accomplished in his birth, death and resurrection.  May we once again look with wonder on the god-man infant, cradled in a crude, rustic environment, prophesied from long ago.  As we look to the coming celebration of Christ’s initial coming, may we be equally stirred to look to His second coming and tell His story and share it with strangers, friends and families far and wide.  It is the greatest true story ever told.

Lord, we eagerly look to commemorate your coming to this earth as well as when You will come again.  Help us to remember what You did for each one of us and to never cease sharing your offering of Your life for our sins.